Christmas is a tricky time for me. On one hand I enjoy spending time with family, eating + drinking like a glutton and whatnot. On the other, I dislike the pressures to spend a shit load of money on craptastic gifts that may or may not get used.
DEATH MASKS FOR EVERYONE!!!!
(someone suggested blow jobs for all, but life is not game of thrones ie wincest-friendly)
Narcissistically personal Christmas pressies are the best.
1. Buy skin safe silicon + plaster bandages + plaster
2. Find friend willing to slather you with goo (thanks Nick!)
3. go into mom’s bathroom and slather on the silicon, wait 5 minutes, layer on plaster bandages, wait 15 minutes for everything to harden up (nose holes are important)
4. peel it all off yer face
5. mix up some paster little island style, dump into mold, wait for it to dry, make hole in back for nail
6. Pop it out, spray with some shiny shit
7. repeat all night